I don't think I ever understood real independence until I was married. That may sound strange, but here's the thing: When you no longer live with your parents and you are on your own, you are just living. You are being independent, yes, but it's not an active choice, it's your life.

When you are in a relationship/married it is easy to forget how to be independent. I believe it is harder to CHOOSE independence when in a relationship than it is when independence is just the way your life runs.When there is someone else that you can lean on, in whatever fashion, that is the easy option to take.

I feel the need to be independent. I feel the need to make sure I can sustain on my own. You can run into trouble if you settle down into a state of complete codependency. Of course if you are in a long term relationship/marriage there is or at least there should be a relationship of leaning on each other for support, but I really feel like it can be dangerous to find yourself in a position where you no longer can sustain yourself, whether it be financially, emotionally, etc. 

Thoughts?

I've been thinking a lot lately about having children. I guess I should clarify and say thinking about having children in the near future, a year from now, or two years from now. I pretty much fully intend on having children at some point, the question is when. To most, I'm in the most prime position to be ready for children: married, job, home. I definitely feel privilege and blessed to be in a position where I can think about planning my family.

I am a big family oriented person, which fuels my "want to have children" fire. Children will increase the over all family size, and definitely the immediately family of me, my husband and our dog Sunny.

A big thing that gives me pause is money - our financial situation right now is fine to support us and our dog, but it isn't really sufficient enough for a child. We could make it work, but it'd be very uncomfortable, and I hate the feeling of not having money. Two years from now, there will be bills that are paid off, and hopefully a few raises that will put us in a better position. Child care is a huge money related issue. I'll be able to get time off or work initially, but we won't be in the position for my husband to support us with just his income for at least 5 years or so, so we'll need daycare, and daycare is EXPENSIVE. 

I don't believe having children is the end to life, but it does change things, and I'd like to get a few travel dreams out of the way before I have children. I'd like to experience a few places across the world before I have a child, and then hopefully experience them again WITH my child/children in the future.

I'd love anyone's stories on their pre-child apprehensions, life with children, etc. 

P.S. - I do most of my normal blogging at nesheaholic.com - check it out, follow/subscribe!

I can't remember his name, I was 6 years old, he was Puerto Rican, I told him I liked him, he told me his brother said he couldn't like Black girls :-\.

In retrospect it's funny, but at 6 it broke my little heart lol

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“The thing about freelancing is that sometimes arrangements are so loose that people try to wiggle out of paying you.” -@nesheaholic

With the way the world is right now, both traditionally employed, and un-employed people use freelancing as a source of income, or to supplement their income. Freelancing relationships are like any other type of relationship, there can be good, bad, and ugly. Probably my longest running freelance gig is site editing for a very nice man. This is pretty much my ideal freelancing relationship. I’m paid on schedule, and if not, the owner lets me know that the pay will be on hold a few days, and that is fine. If I’m going away and won’t be able to edit, I let him know. Just like every other relationship, communication is key when freelancing.

I have had other freelancing gigs where life isn’t so sweet. Even with contracts, and verbal agreements I never get paid. This situation is annoying on so many levels; 1. I would like the money I worked for, 2. I don’t like drama, 3. I took time out of my home time to work, and then not get paid, which causes the hubby to be not so happy.

Things are especially sketchy when I’m doing stuff that is arts related. Artists tend to not like too much in the way of written agreements and contracts, or take them lightly. That’s definitely not a knock on artists since I’m an actor myself.

Then there is acting gigs, which is a land of freelancing unto itself. I hate being put into the predicament where I’m not paid for an acting gig. I’m always happy to be able to be on stage, and if I take a gig for free then I took a gig for free, but if I take a gig with the expectation to be paid, I’d like to be paid.

I just hate to have to fight for what is rightfully mine.