Monday, 26 December 2011

Tuesday, 01 November 2011

  • Marriage and Independence

    I don't think I ever understood real independence until I was married. That may sound strange, but here's the thing: When you no longer live with your parents and you are on your own, you are just living. You are being independent, yes, but it's not an active choice, it's your life.

    When you are in a relationship/married it is easy to forget how to be independent. I believe it is harder to CHOOSE independence when in a relationship than it is when independence is just the way your life runs.When there is someone else that you can lean on, in whatever fashion, that is the easy option to take.

    I feel the need to be independent. I feel the need to make sure I can sustain on my own. You can run into trouble if you settle down into a state of complete codependency. Of course if you are in a long term relationship/marriage there is or at least there should be a relationship of leaning on each other for support, but I really feel like it can be dangerous to find yourself in a position where you no longer can sustain yourself, whether it be financially, emotionally, etc. 

     

    Thoughts?

Friday, 21 October 2011

  • I’m sitting here on this couch next to my grandmother. Six months ago I sat in this living room, looking around at everything that is her. I looked around at every item she’s placed in this room and couldn’t fathom never seeing her again, never sitting with her in this room again. We were told to “make arrangements.” I couldn’t understand how I’d live without her.

    Now we’re here, together, on the couch, in the very room that speaks so much of her. Filled with photos of all the children, grandchildren and great grandchildren that she has had a hand in raising.

    The first time I looked at her today sitting on the couch in her usual spot I started to cry. I’m so happy to have her home.  She’s not 100%, but there was a time where ever seeing her home seemed so far away. Now she’s here, continuing on her road to recovery and rehabilitation.

    I’m so happy.

Wednesday, 07 September 2011

  • Thinking about having kids

    I've been thinking a lot lately about having children. I guess I should clarify and say thinking about having children in the near future, a year from now, or two years from now. I pretty much fully intend on having children at some point, the question is when. To most, I'm in the most prime position to be ready for children: married, job, home. I definitely feel privilege and blessed to be in a position where I can think about planning my family.

    I am a big family oriented person, which fuels my "want to have children" fire. Children will increase the over all family size, and definitely the immediately family of me, my husband and our dog Sunny.

    A big thing that gives me pause is money - our financial situation right now is fine to support us and our dog, but it isn't really sufficient enough for a child. We could make it work, but it'd be very uncomfortable, and I hate the feeling of not having money. Two years from now, there will be bills that are paid off, and hopefully a few raises that will put us in a better position. Child care is a huge money related issue. I'll be able to get time off or work initially, but we won't be in the position for my husband to support us with just his income for at least 5 years or so, so we'll need daycare, and daycare is EXPENSIVE. 

    I don't believe having children is the end to life, but it does change things, and I'd like to get a few travel dreams out of the way before I have children. I'd like to experience a few places across the world before I have a child, and then hopefully experience them again WITH my child/children in the future.

    I'd love anyone's stories on their pre-child apprehensions, life with children, etc. 

    P.S. - I do most of my normal blogging at nesheaholic.com - check it out, follow/subscribe!

Thursday, 03 March 2011

  • The Thing About Abortion

    I've considered myself pro-choice, pro-life and anything in between. The topic has been weighing heavy on my brain lately.

    At this point I stand behind not criminalizing abortion.

    1. a woman should not be forced to have the baby of a rapist or abuser. If she did not consent to sex, termination of pregnancy is her choice.

    2. the number of abortions is not going to change if we criminalize the procedure. All that will do is retreat us as a society to back-alley abortions an dangerous self-abortion means.

    The way we lower the rate of abortions is to raise the awareness of ALL the choices that have to do with keeping oneself protected when engaging in sex. Everything from abstinence to the birth control pill.

    3. Who am I to tell a woman/girl with no means to support a child to have a baby? If the woman can't support or doesn't want the baby, and she is forced to have it, what of that child who will likely be neglected? There are rallies to support and protect them while they are yet a collection of cells growing -- but where are the rallies for them once they are homeless, or addicted to drugs, because they where neglected and never wanted by their parents?

    While it sounds harsh, I have more concern for the surplus of human beings currently on this earth who struggle everyday than I do for those not yet even conceived.

    4. People often bring up the adoption option. Opposers say "Why make a woman go through nine months of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth?" My concern is more that adoption isn't an automatic process. There are already THOUSANDS of children in the foster care system waiting for adoption.

    So then comes the question "Would you rather them never have been born than to have hardships?" -- I don't have that answer.

Monday, 07 February 2011

  • Who was your very first crush? How old were you? Do you know what happened to him or her?


    I can't remember his name, I was 6 years old, he was Puerto Rican, I told him I liked him, he told me his brother said he couldn't like Black girls :-\.

    In retrospect it's funny, but at 6 it broke my little heart lol

       

    I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

  • Motivation by way of Insult

    I watched the video below and initially had no words to express how it made me feel. It is an Ethiopian woman talking down about, generalizing, and stereotyping African American women. Among other things she noted that African American women:

    1. Come from broken homes
    2. Are loud
    3. Are the most desperate women in the world
    4. Do not speak "proper" English
    5. Live in African American neighborhoods that are chaotic
    6. Cannot date outside of their race because no one wants them

    She classed herself as being higher than African American women as a first generation African woman, and placed Jamaicans, Haitians and Dominicans in the class with her. One of the things it seems she feels proves her as an African woman is better than an African American woman is the fact that she was able to obtain and Asian husband.

    Over all, what this video did was MOTIVATE me. Oddly enough, it made me want to do better than I usually do, work harder than I usually do to prove to her, and everyone else who thinks like her, that African American women, like any other type of person, have good and bad representations, and I am one of the GOOD.

     

    CLICK HERE for the video.

Thursday, 20 January 2011

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

Tuesday, 21 December 2010

  • Freelancing is like a relationship

    “The thing about freelancing is that sometimes arrangements are so loose that people try to wiggle out of paying you.” -@nesheaholic

    With the way the world is right now, both traditionally employed, and un-employed people use freelancing as a source of income, or to supplement their income. Freelancing relationships are like any other type of relationship, there can be good, bad, and ugly. Probably my longest running freelance gig is site editing for a very nice man. This is pretty much my ideal freelancing relationship. I’m paid on schedule, and if not, the owner lets me know that the pay will be on hold a few days, and that is fine. If I’m going away and won’t be able to edit, I let him know. Just like every other relationship, communication is key when freelancing.

    I have had other freelancing gigs where life isn’t so sweet. Even with contracts, and verbal agreements I never get paid. This situation is annoying on so many levels; 1. I would like the money I worked for, 2. I don’t like drama, 3. I took time out of my home time to work, and then not get paid, which causes the hubby to be not so happy.

    Things are especially sketchy when I’m doing stuff that is arts related. Artists tend to not like too much in the way of written agreements and contracts, or take them lightly. That’s definitely not a knock on artists since I’m an actor myself.

    Then there is acting gigs, which is a land of freelancing unto itself. I hate being put into the predicament where I’m not paid for an acting gig. I’m always happy to be able to be on stage, and if I take a gig for free then I took a gig for free, but if I take a gig with the expectation to be paid, I’d like to be paid.

    I just hate to have to fight for what is rightfully mine.

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Chatboard (65)

  • spooner_street
    after i read the link to birth control pills=whore pills i was so upset i thought i should say something more privately but nothing much here is private. I remind myself that this is an attempt to take control of political dialog in an election year, nothing more, but it is hard to listen to when t
  • mstigerfrogs
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  • AlterEgo909
    @mstigerfrogs - Just pick a winner.
  • mstigerfrogs
    So should I redo the tigerfrog contest or just pick a winner?
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  • msimotion
    I tried to give you a mini. I'll catch up sometime. I think?
  • gene546
    First of all, thank you for your friendship. Then, I’m married and father of six children, including a girl and pair of twins. I’m Roman Catholic, very close to become a priest. I don’t believe in evolution, contraception, euthanasia, gay marriages, and everything humans do against the “Natural Law.
    • Posted 3/5/2010 11:50 AM
    • by gene546

AlterEgo909

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