Monday, 10 November 2008
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Currently Watching
For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When the Rainbow Is Enuf - Alfre Woodard, Lynn Whitfield (Broadway Theatre Archive)
By Laurie Carlos, Lynn Whitfield, Alfre Woodard, Patti LaBelle, Sarita Allen
see relatedLove and Virginity
Some of you know I am in a show (Ntozake Shange’s “For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf’) The play deals with Black women’s struggles with men, sex, self identity, children, race and God. Because of how heavy the subject matter is sometimes the cast will begin to talk about personal experiences that relate to the stories told in the play. Through our conversations this evening I have some interesting ideas on love:
Love is not a feeling; it is a choice, a decision. Love is deciding to give yourself over to another person, a choice to allow yourself to become one with another. A relationship cannot last on just a warm and fuzzy feeling of love alone. Active love, involved love, includes sacrifice and no limits or boundaries. I think the phrase “I love you” is thrown around too much, so much so that it has lost its value. True love and real love has been replaced by a feeling of love, a misconception of love, and faux love. None of these ‘loves’ can stand up to the test of time, trials or tribulation.
While the rest of my cast and I were talking tonight we also discovered that 5 out of the 6 of us were virgins! (myself included). This was quite a shock to me. I haven’t been around a group of girls where the majority of them were virgins since middle school. All of us discussed how we are virgins by choice (not just by circumstance). Usually I get the “oh my gosh! You are 22 and a virgin? And you have a boyfriend and live with him and you are still a virgin? Wow!” It felt nice to be in the majority tonight, to see the one of us who had had sex to be out of the norm.
I value my virginity, and I value my decision to wait until marriage before I have sex. I am lucky to have found a wonderful man who will stick by me in that decision. I don’t fault any one who is not a virgin, or doesn’t think it is important to wait until marriage, but that is my decision. I think sex is something special that is to be shared only between a married couple, a union. Once blessed by God, and only then, should sex occur. It is something too important, too special, too sensual, and too private to me to be shared frivolously.
In other news: within three days I have been on top blogs, featured, and purchased a year of premium. Woot woot.
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Comments (81)
Congrats on all that. That's really cool, to find out you're not alone in your virginity. It's a special gift you get to give to your husband. That totally rocks.
And you're right about real love being a choice. It's annoying we use the same word for the wonderful bond between a husband and wife that we use to describe how much we like pizza. And psychologists say that mushy-lovey feeling doesn't last any longer than 2 years. If that's all the relationship is based on, good luck.
@DuckTapeJourneyman - thank ya! I agree, because it is used so commonly we forget the true value of love. I myself sometime throw it around in terms of food or blogs I really like, so I guess I need to work on that. I need to make a new term for "really really like" lol
@AlterEgo909 - Or, you can try learning the Greek words for it. I think they've got 5 or more words for love, and they actually make sense.
@DuckTapeJourneyman - Oh boy! I AM going to do that! That will be a post 2moro! I know from my greek mythology and history classes that there are different words for different type of love...thanks for the idea!
From now on I vow to only say, "I really *dig* this pizza." ...or maybe some other equivalent. Your post is beautifully written and respectful.
@jediwa72 - lol. I think my next post, inspired by DuckTapeJourneyman will be greek terms for love and the way the different terms vary. We need terms that work well for a fabulous slice of tiramisu but are different than that of our love for our S.O. lol
I wish more people felt the way that you did. Great post.
@godfatherofgreenbay - Thanksies.
Virgin @ 22 sounds good to me.
my husband and i were both virgins when we got married, and i have to say, you get this huge blessing from that intimacy that i don't think you would get if you hadn't been each other's "first." kudos to you - i think we are a dying breed but it's really worth fighting for.
Yep, I noticed your page on the front page (as much as I hate the new front page, I love that you were featured so prominently!) and congrats! Your ideas about love are the same ones I share. I think too that I really have to experience it for myself... scary, but it'll happen one day.
One of my close friends is a virgin too, living w/ her boyfriend and while I don't think it's bizarre or anything like that, it does make me re-think some things. Like, all my male friends who can't supposedly live without sex. What's that all about??
I think that's wonderful that you value it so much, many just do not care what they do and who it's with - I think that's sad.
@jaywalkers - We are indeed a dying breed. It is so rare nowadays. Thanks for stopping by.
@MochaSprinkle - Thanks! I am still pretty surprised at seeing my face when I log on lol. Yea, u know, I think men are trained to THINK that they can't live without "it" but they can. It just takes some patience, and when with the right girl, they are willing to do it. @o_Dirty_Blonde_o - It is sad to me. I think it's specialness has dwindled unfortunately.
As always, you didn't disappoint.
I'm glad you value yourself and your virginity. Sex is a beautiful thing, made even more amazing with LOVE behind it.
BTW, congrats on the triple-whammy!
@BarelyJen - Thanks and Thanks. I am SO on a Xanga high right now lol
@AlterEgo909 - LOL, may no one ever pop your Xanga balloon ...
I seem to get a lot more support than I ever thought I would for being a virgin by choice. Oddly enough, the most recent time that I had someone be surprised by my choices was in a "Christian" setting. I think you read my post on it already.
Anyway, props to you!
@EilisAngelos - Yea, I think that was one of, if not the first, post I read of yours, and I was like "Whoa, she's a virgin too, cool, we gotta be friends!" lol
Wow I really respect you for participating in such a sociably responsible show! Ur morals are the most important thing for you - remember that
I really liked the second paragraph on this, it's kind of the same way I feel about love. Good post!
And good luck with your show!
beautiful post.
i was just commenting on someone else's site about how love is a verb, not a noun. it's an action, not just something you feel.
@WendyDarling128 - Yes! Exactly! Love is an action, not just a feeling.
@Mushi_Moo - I will!
@thereismymind - Thank you!
I was a virgin when I was married, and I think that the things that you said about Love are true. I don't normally do this, and if you don't like it, I won't be offended if you delete my comment, but this song lines right up with what true Love is.
Something That We Do by Clint Black
I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
I still believe the words we said
Forever will ring true
Love is certain, love is kind
Love is yours and love is mine
But it isn't something that we find
It's something that we do
It's holding tight, lettin' go
It's flying high and laying low
Let your strongest feelings show
And your weakness, too
It's a little and a lot to ask
An endless and a welcome task
Love isn't something that we have
It's something that we do
We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start
It gives me heart remembering how
We started with a simple vow
There's so much to look back on now
Still it feels brand-new
We're on a road that has no end
And each day we begin again
Love's not just something that we're in
It's something that we do
We help to make each other all that we can be
Though we can find our strength and inspiration independently
The way we work together is what sets our love apart
So closely that you can't tell where I end and where you start
Love is wide, love is long
Love is deep and love is strong
Love is why I love this song
And I hope you love it too
I remember well the day we wed
I can see that picture in my head
Love isn't just those words we said
It's something that we do
There's no request too big or small
We give ourselves, we give our all
Love isn't someplace that we fall
It's something that we do
glad I saw your plug!
Cowboy
I agree with you about everything.
My fiance and I were each others first and even though we did not wait until our wedding night I know we share something amazing with each other, and only each other that will last us for the rest of our lives.